SCA Lightbulb Jokes

Kingdoms and Principalities . . .

Q: How many Westerners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why would you want to do that? It's been just fine for 25 years!

Q: How many Calontiri does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One hundred and two, but what a ceremony!

Q: How many Calontiri does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The whole tribe......it's a Calontir thang.

Q: How many Easterners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but they have to take a vote first to decide who.

Q: How many Meridians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he has to get it drunk first.

Q: How many Meridians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: How ever many the Crown says it takes.

Q: How many Trimarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Leave it out, it was only attracting mosquitos anyway.

Q: How many Caidans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nobody knows. They can't figure out what to wear to change one.

Q: How many AnTir-folk does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but the new bulb had better be a halogen fog lamp!

Q: How many Atlantians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That depends, which household does it belong to?

Q: How many Midrealmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They won't say until they've consulted the Curia Regis...

Q: How many Midrealmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Change the lightbulb? You can't change THAT lightbulb!!! That's Cariadoc's lightbulb!!!!

Q: How many Ansteorrans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Was that a rattan lightbulb or a fencing lightbulb?

Q: How many Atenveldters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why bother, they prefer solar power anyway?

Q: How many Outlanders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: If it's less than a 14 hour drive it's not worth changing!

Q: How many Lochac-folk does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but it screws in counter-clockwise.

Baronies and local groups . . .

Q: How many Stonemarchers does it take to light a lantern?
A: Three. Aelfwine makes the frame of wood, the panels of horn, the oil-cup of copper and the shaped flint and striking-iron. Arastorm researches the correct 6th century way to make lanterns. Then she plants the flax, harvests the seed, grinds it to oil-paste, processes and clarifies the resulting oil, rets and hetchels and combs and spins and braids the linen lamp-wick. Alizaunde then holds things up for three weeks until the article on how to do all this is finished. Then they light it.

Q: How many Carolingians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Did I ever tell you the story about Vis and the lightbulb?

Q: How many Ruantallaners does it take?
A: Nobody knows; no one outside Ruantallan has ever been up there long enough to see one lit...

Q: How many from Isle du Dragon Dormant?
A: Two. This is Quebec and we are completely bilingual.

Knights, Laurels and the like . . .

Q: How many Barons does it take to light a candle?
A: None, that is what the seneschal is for.

Q: How many knights does it take to light a candle?
A: None, that is what pages and squires are for.

Q: How many squires does it take to change a candle?
A: It depends who's watching...

Q: How many Dukes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to hold the bulb while the world spins around him.

Q: How many Pelicans does it take to change a candle?
A: 1. Just one, but it takes years and years of hard workand dedication.
A: 2. None, It's O.K. I'll just sit here in the dark...
A: 3. ONE! I can DO IT MYSELF!! I don't need ANY HELP,OK?!!!!

Q: How many Laurels does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. The Laurelate has decided that it isn't really ready to be changed yet. Perhaps in another year the quality of its light will have deepened and matured.

Q: How many Laurels does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We don't do that, it's service, get a Pelican.

Q: How many Laurels does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Lightbulbs aren't period.

Q: How many Kings does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That's what Kings have Courts for.

Q: How many Queens does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "All members of the Queen's Guard! Assemble at the Royal Pavillion!"

Q: How many Heralds does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You can't do that, it's metal on metal. *Sabine's favorite :)

Q: How many Heralds does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but he'll pronounce it "Ligitt Boolb"

Q: How many Heralds does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to loudly announce that it has been done.

Q: How many exchequers does it take to light a candle?
A: How do you plan to raise the funds for a new candle?

Q: How many marshals does it take to light a lantern?
A: Light it? Heavens no! Hold! Fire is not allowed on the field and what's more that entire thing needs to be wrapped in foam and duct tape. It can only be used defensively and doesn't that handle make it a flexible weapon...

Q: How many Lists Mistresses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: What! You want it *changed*? I just got all the fields assigned!

Q: How many Water Bearers does it take to change a candle?
A: I'm sorry, Water Bearers aren't allowed to change candles, but you look like your candle could stand changing. Would you like me to get a Chirurgeon to take a look at your candle? It's awfully red in the face...

Q: How many Water Bearers does it take to change a candle?
A: One! *pssssss* Damn.

Q: How many Gold Keys does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Gold Key will be happy to loan you a candle so long as you return it at the end of the event. Does anyone know where Gold Key is?

Miscellaneous . . .

Q: How many Tuchux does it take to light a candle?
A: Three. One to hold the gasoline.......

Q: How many Norsemen does it take to light a candle?
A: Why bother with a candle? There's a monastery just over the next hill.

Q: How many Norsemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. We are not afraid of the dark.

Q: How many Byzantines does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three, one to change the light bulb and one to confuse the issue.

Q: How many Hordesmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. *SMASH!* What light bulb?

Q: How many Celts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If it's not plaid and not woad, we're not interested.

Q: How many mundanes does it take to change a candle?
A: "Can't we just turn on the lights?"

Q: How many SCA Directors does it take to change a candle?
A: Don't be silly. This is the 20th century. We use *lightbulbs*.

Q: How many Rialto posters does it take to light a lantern? (circa 1997)
Twenty-nine:
As follows:
One to suggest lighting the lantern,
One to disagree with the suggestion,
One to get upset over the way the disagreement was phrased,
One to point out that in *his* kingdom they always treat each other with courtesy and chivalry when lighting lanterns,
One to ask for a definition of a lantern,
One to define a lantern,
One to object to the definition,
One to insist on a citation for the definition,
One to complain that asking for citations isn't "creative" anachronism,
Tibor to actually provide a citation,
Hal Ravn to point out that that's not how they light them in the West,
Cariadoc to discuss cooking over a lantern,
Richard of Alder Tree to point out that the lantern ought to shine with the glow of Arthurian legends,
Esclarmonde to remind us that the lantern probably isn't deductible,
One to flame against everyone who's posted so far,
One to flame the flamer,
One to object to flaming the flamer,
Five to start new threads about wicks, glass, oil, heat, and probably chivalry,
Five to disagree with the new threads,
One to say that he's just moved to the lantern, can anybody help him get in touch with the local SCA branch,
One to point out that the local branch is SCA, Inc., not Society...

And after all that, we're still in the dark. *grin*

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This page created sometime in 1996 and last updated April 20, 2003.
Most recent submissions from Alvira of Calontir and Callum of Southron Gaard in New Zealand.